Category Archives: inner peace
Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone, but I’m working on a new book. It’s called :
Drama with Mama
15 Inner Powers You Should Use to Find Your Peace and Skip Your Next Drama.
This book is a relatively short self-help book that is based on my relationships with my mom.
It’s an important lesson for anyone who has some drama in any of his current relationships.
For your eyes only, the Introduction chapter:
Is there a loved one in your life that you experience big difficulties with?
Maybe it’s your mom, your dad, your kid, or your spouse.
It doesn’t really matter who he or she is, if you have drama with a loved one, you could probably use some more inner peace. In this book I’m going to help you to tone down the drama and achieve a consistent inner peace.
My mom just hung up the phone on me, I thought. Again. My heart felt hollow and the memory of her weeping haunted me. It was a cloudy fall afternoon, about five years ago and we had just finished another fight over the phone. It seemed like we had more and more fights like that one, that autumn. Too many phone calls ended with tears. It felt like there was an angry giant sleeping in me. And she knew exactly how to wake him up. Then I’d shout and she’d cry. She wasn’t the only person that caused me to lose my temper, but she was for sure the most successful provocateur.
That fight was the biggest ever. I don’t even remember how it started, but it was big. It felt like we might never talk again, at least not in the near future. I was devastated. I love my mom. I didn’t want to fight her. I’d try to calm myself before calls with her, but with not much success. I can’t find the words to express how frustrating it was. I felt out of control, possessed by a dangerous inner monster.
Why do we hurt the people who we love the most? What can I do to stop it? I asked myself. At that time I had already had years of self-growth experience. I read books, took workshops and courses and I was definitely an improved version of my previous self. But there was one thing I couldn’t change. The volcano of anger in me, that blew off from time to time.
This volcano made me verbally attack my own mom. Say things I wish I’d never said. When the lava of anger started to climb up my chest it felt like driving a car downhill with no breaks. How can you have good relationships with people around you, when you can’t control your own anger?
On that afternoon I decided that something needed to change, and fast. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt that I was my worst enemy. It felt so helpless. How do I fight the enemy within? Can I beat it? Is there a better way than fighting it? I was very angry with myself.
I closed my eyes and desperately looked for a solution. When I opened my eyes, still with no solution, I saw the picture on the wall in front of me. It was a picture of a peaceful, sunny beach with palm trees and small huts. That’s when I knew what I had to do. I had to find a way to create inner peace; a peace that won’t be affected by other people and events. I knew I have the power in me to do that, and I was determined to uncover and then find out how to use this power.
Later on that evening I practiced the power of compassion. I talk about this power in one of the next chapters. It made me feel better. But I wasn’t looking to feel better. I was looking for a stable, persistent inner peace.
I decided to make a list of all the inner powers I have to create and maintain my inner peace. The idea was that if I have a list like this and I use it, then inner peace is guaranteed to stay with me.
A few years later, after working with my inner powers list, I’ve just finished another phone call with my mom. No, she didn’t hang up on me this time. I actually can’t remember when we last had a fight. She just got back good results from a medical test she took, and I was the first person she called, very excited to share the good news with me. We’re now best friends, and the only tears I cause her, are tears of happiness when I come to visit.
Creating peace with my mom is one of my biggest achievements on my path of spiritual growth. It’s funny how hard it is to have peace with the ones we love. Maybe it’s because we care about them so much. It felt like making a peace with myself, with my inner angry giant monster who terrorized my life.
I sometimes see people in the middle of a fight with a loved one and it reminds me how out of control I felt before I started to work with my inner power resources.
This personal peace list is one of the most powerful gifts in my life and I want to share it with you.
The first power is coming soon! Follow the blog get a notification. Don’t miss it!
1. Resistance is futile
You have experienced some bad times during your life. You might have even experienced catastrophes. How does the future look? You’re going to be sick from time to time, get older, lose friends and face changes whether you accept it or not. Accepting will just make you a happier person. Resisting is what makes you suffer.
Imagine wanting to buy something new. You know you can’t afford it. Imagine the difference in your feeling if you tell yourself: “Damn, I wish I could afford it,” or if you tell yourself: “As soon as my money situation gets better, I’ll get it.” Can you see the difference between accepting and resisting? In both cases you didn’t give up wanting it, but in which case do you feel better?
Start by accepting that you are not at peace, at least not all the time. Accept that it’s okay to be this way. In doing so, you’re already one step closer to be at peace.
Accept yourself the way you are, even if you don’t like it. It’s easier to improve your life when you accept what comes your way.
2. Believe and set an intention
You can’t be at peace if you don’t believe it’s possible. “You know us New-Yorkers, we’re always running somewhere,” “How can you be at peace when you are in debt?” If you tell yourself something like this, then you can’t be at peace. Believe that it’s possible, and then set your intention to be at peace. Tell yourself: “All the reasons not to be at peace are out there in the world. But inside, I’ll d deliberately experience peace.” If need be, remind yourself your intention every day. Put stickers on your fridge and laptop. Your capability to be at peace will grow.
3. Please forgive me!
Forgiveness is not a prize for someone else; it’s a gift to your soul. “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” (Alexander Pope).
Ask for forgiveness from anyone you hurt. Even if you don’t think that you hurt them, it’s enough that they feel hurt. Ask forgiveness from everyone you didn’t love enough. Ask forgiveness from whoever you disappointed. Ask forgiveness from all who suffered and you didn’t care, even if you don’t know them.
Forgive yourself. One of the people who you hurt the most is yourself. You’ve made mistakes. But if you want to be at peace, it’s time to forgive yourself.
Forgive anyone who hurt you. Forgiveness is not a prize. You might not end up their best friend, but don’t continue to punish yourself for what they did by not forgiving them.
4. Do something you dislike everyday
There are so many things I don’t like to do.
Every day, do one thing you don’t like, preferably in the morning. You will feel so much fixed attention released, that you will be at peace for at least a few hours.
5. Take good care of yourself.
Practice yoga, go to the gym, jump, breathe deeply, walk and take the stairs instead of the elevator. Eat well, sleep well, and laugh as much as you can. Happy body makes happy spirit.
6. Expect only disappointments
When you expect things from others, you set yourself up for disappointment. Do you expect a tree to bark like a dog? Do expect a monkey to fly? So why do expect people to be different than the way they are? If someone doesn’t appreciate you, it’s because this is the way he is. Don’t expect him to change. He might change, but he probably won’t change. Don’t set up yourself for disappointment. Choose to be around those who support you, those who surprise you with their generosity. You don’t need to expect anything from them.
7. Meet more teachers and fewer enemies
Enemies are teachers whose class you’ve failed. They came into your life to teach you a lesson and instead of thanking them, you have decided to resist them. Any time you meet an enemy, ask yourself: what lesson he’s bringing me? It can be at work, on the bus or at home. There are many lessons to learn.
Failure is a teacher too. It’s not a failure if you use it as a lesson. It’s easier to be at peace when you’re learning and growing.
8. Feel more than you think
Many of your thoughts are either created by hidden feelings or are there to hide unwanted feelings.
When you think that you’re not good enough it’s because you’re afraid to fail.
When you are not sure what to do it’s because you’re afraid to make a mistake.
When you think someone did you wrong, it’s because you are angry.
Listen to your feelings, don’t try to avoid them. Let them be, so you can let them go.
Create new feelings. Deliberately feel safe, feel love, feel joy, feel serenity, feel one with the universe. Feel divine.
9. Are you lying?
Don’t lie. You then need to spend too much energy on covering your lies. If you are lucky, you might even feel guilty for lying. Lying will never support you in finding peace.
Many times the person we lie to the most, is oneself. Be honest with yourself. Don’t do anything that makes you feel bad. Even if it feels good now, you know what will make you feel bad later. Keeping your integrity will get you closer to peace.
10. Feel compassion
What is compassion? Compassion is the ability to see the world from someone else’s eyes. Compassion is remembering that we all want the same things in life: we want feel safe, to feel loved, to feel joy, have peace and a sense of purpose. What differentiates us is that we each have varying ideas on what’s the most effective way to achieve these things. Therefore, each one of us chooses the viewpoint that seems most appropriate to him, or the one he has been told is best suited to this purpose. That’s why we handle matters in such different ways. In addition, we’ve also experienced suffering, disappointment, grief, sorrow and failure on our life’s journeys. We’re all taking this journey; and sometimes while we’re trying to avoid being the prey, we unintentionally become the predator.
When you remember this, you understand that sometimes good people made bad choices just because they were afraid or weren’t thinking about their choices deep enough.
Compassion is to see that we are all connected. That we were all created by the same God.
11. Feel gratitude
If you don’t feel grateful for the little things then you keep running after the big things. It’s both exhausting and creates a sense of emptiness: I want this, but I don’t have it. It’s frustrating. Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for what you are going to have. Don’t think about what you don’t have or could have.
Help others with no expectations of anything in return. It will make you feel good and will help you to have your attention not only on yourself. Caring and selfish-less service to others are great ways to find your peace. How can you help others? It can be as small as giving some guides, smiling, supporting, giving a compliment, listening, encouraging, loving, advising, or just making them laugh. You can always do more like giving donations or volunteer.
A peaceful heart gives birth to love.
When love meets suffering it turns to compassion.
When love meets happiness it turns to joy. (The Wise Heart)
Do you want to learn more about how to achieve inner peace? Come visit my website: http://www. oneleggedseagull.com